May 16, 2012

one year on

Today is the anniversary of Waymans death.

Time is a funny thing.
Some days it seems as if it was just yesterday, and others I feel as if he has been gone for half a life time.

I miss him dreadfully.

Yet God has chosen this path for me and I trust Him with the future. 
Some days I am better at that than others.

I am privileged that Wayman provided for me in such a way that I am materially comfortable, and my girls are wonderfully caring.
My sons-in-law are good men who love the Lord and lead their families well.

My grandchildren are a constant delight to me. 
I now have four on earth with me, Charlie, Penny, Jonty and Oscar, who was born to Stephanie and Shane in March.

It is still strange to attend church on my own some weeks. 
I think this is exacerbated by the fact that many people did not know Wayman. 
The numbers have grown so much that the majority of people have joined us since Wayman became ill.
So I am learning to introduce myself to them as a widow.

How strange that still sounds.

I love my garden, and feel a responsibility to maintain it well. 
I am not good at looking after the lawns........Wayman would be disappointed in that.
But I had a great display of annuals this year, and the war with the birds has abated!
The veggie patch is planted with winter things, brussel sprouts, broccoli, winter greens, beetroot, carrots, garlic and herbs.
And pumpkins, I only put in two this year, and they haven't taken over the patch.
I am learning to make compost, and how to safely burn rubbish, I mow the lawns and try to keep the autumn leaves under control.
I have put fish in the dam, silver perch, and I am hoping that my grandsons will learn to fish there.

The house is my refuge. I love it.
It is very big, but I don't feel uncomfortable in it.
Each room has a purpose and I seem to use them all.
The families love visiting to watch Collingwood play on my oversized TV in winter and the tennis court is a wonderful play ground for us all in the warmer months.
So I will stay here for a while longer.

With the anniversary of Waymans death comes the end of all the "firsts"
The first Christmas without him, the birthdays, anniversaries, football grandfinals, each one evoking memories with emotions just below the surface.

Twelve months ago, the last things Wayman said to me in this life were

"You are a strong woman Ruth, and I love you"

I am so very glad that he did, and I will try to be strong going forward.

With God as my strength and with His love to envelope me I am complete.